My View On Why ‘Settling’ Can Be A Good Thing

Am I the only one who has noticed this growing trend of ‘good vibes only’ and an all around attitude of bailing on anything and everything the moment it gets difficult?

No? Good. Because, in my opinion, it is VERY damaging, because guess what…sometimes life SUCKS. And pretending like it’s just always good, or even attempting to ‘fake it until you make it’ (AKA lie to yourself until you believe yourself) really isn’t setting you up to be able to handle whatever life throws at you. And really, life is all about growth, isn’t it? That is what the bad times are all about! They force us out of our comfort zone of ‘good vibes only’ and rock our foundation until we are forced to level up! If you are constantly dodging and ignoring the natural strife that life offers us, how are you ever supposed to grow into the person you are meant to be?

Feeling the bad things can lead you to being happier and more grateful than if you only gave energy to the good moments. I mean, how else are you supposed to learn what it is to be humble?

Humility is where it’s at, folks.

Ditch the ‘good vibes only’ outlook and embrace all of the vibes. As humans, we feel all of these emotions for a reason. The bad give us contrast to the good. By all means, don’t unpack your bags and settle into the negative. But when fear comes knocking on your door, talk to it. Find out what fear wants, what sort of service it is attempting to solicit (my fear usually just wants to sell me some encyclopedia of bad, worthless thoughts). Because I guarantee, as pushy and malicious as fear can seem, it can really be one of our greatest teachers in life. But the only way to tap into these lessons is to acknowledge fear. If you simply ignore the knocks or even slam the door in fear’s face, you will never know what it was there to teach you.

And you will go on with your life having blinders on to the truly important stuff.

Lets touch on romantic relationships for a moment, shall we? Say you meet the person that you just fall head over heels in love with, you two have a deep connection and you are so excited for what the future may hold for you two! Things are going swimmingly for the first couple of weeks.

Until you start to see parts of that person you didn’t know were there (like, I dunno, maybe something as little as they’re a cover-hog when they sleep, or something bigger like they have poor communication skills). That’s the time when fear will blow it’s air horn and tell you to run from the ‘red flags’. You start to tell yourself (and maybe even your friends) that you refuse to settle for less than exactly what you want so you’re just going to dump this person, no matter how much you like them.

Even just typing that I’m rolling my eyes. Because that’s been me before. But guess whaaaaat!

We. Are. All. Human! No one is perfect. Damn, can you even imagine how utterly boring life would be if perfection actually existed, if we never ruffled each other’s feathers. Yah, that’s gonna be a hard no for me. 

So that person that you just can’t seem to get enough of, but isn’t measuring you to your impossible standards: stop judging them! Don’t be so stubborn that you aren’t willing to give them some wiggle room to make mistakes and even annoy you a little. Learn to love people for who they really are. Relationships take WERK, yo! Daily mother f-ing work! For fuck’s sake, it’s two people trying to fuse their lives together and spend every single day together. Are you kidding me?! Nothing about that is easy and stress free. Don’t bail whenever things get messy. Don’t say ‘mic drop’ when you’re first huge fight comes up or someone makes a painful mistake. 

Ok, yes there are absolute reasons to leave a relationship (ie. you feel like your safety is in question, just to name a big one). Then yes, get the F outta there and go take care of yo-self! Or if you truly, deep down, feel as though your needs as a person are not being met, and that your partner is not capable of giving you what your soul truly needs. Then yes, it might be time to move on.

All I’m saying is, let people make mistakes. Allow your partner to be human. Don’t put on your judgey glasses and turn your nose up to someone you truly do love and care for simply because they aren’t perfect. If you start down this road, you’re liable to end up alone. Not to say the single life is bad; I was single for more than ten years and loved it! But your unwavering need to ‘not settle’ could cause you to miss out on the beauty of life. 

Sending you all loads of love!
*Ilea S.

**Please take my words with a grain of salt. This is solely my opinion, and I am in no way a professional life or relationship coach.

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